Family Fun Phone Sex

I hate this! I was starting to think that it was getting to be all horrible calls all the time. When he asked me if I was into incest I think I’ve been trained to think, “oh that means you want to talk about me being a mommy fucking my toddlers”

Cause when I started the first guy to ask me if I was into incest wanted that and I made the mistake of feeling relieved. Like, of I was scared of pedo stuff, so incest, okay that’s easy. When I thought of incest I thought of Daddy/Daughter roll play, or Brother/Sister. I thought of ADULT family members. And yes, gross and wrong, totally. Though I don’t judge anyone who wants to act out that fantasy. And well, every call since that last one when guys have wanted to talk about incest it always involved a kid(s). That to me is like giving someone a heads up that your apartment is really really messy and failing to mention the biting dog that you house there as well.

Anyway, Finally I get a family fun call that I can handle. He wanted to be brother and sister. I was to be thirteen (hmmmm, iffy) and he was gonna be seventeen (that somehow made it better).

Just like any other phone sex conversation except I added big brother to everything, “Oh I love my big brothers big hard cock,” “Mmmm big brother! I want my big brothers cum all over my face,” “Cum all over you little sisters face Brother.”

It’s like we didn’t have names, he would respond to everything with, “Oh yes little sister!”

It seems kind of like a funny fetish to roll play, cause especially when done over the phone all you have to keep you in it is calling the other one by their relation to you and maybe adding in a few, “Oh, I hope Mom doesn’t catch us!” in there.

Anyway, this call was a bit of a relief, two adults pretending to be teen siblings having sex, seems like nothing in comparison.

Little Sister.MP3

I just thought of this song. Not that I’ve ever suspected Rufus and Martha of incest…. I’m mean come on… Rufus is the gay messiah.

Humiliation Guy Called Again

Remember Humiliation guy? A few week ago he called me for the first time, it was the October 31st entry, “We’ll Take Care of Each Other.”

The call was only for 6 or so minutes. It was very much of the same. Question after question, telling me he was sorry that I had to go through this, that I was made to feel humiliated like this.

The last thing he asked me was, “Do you think you could leave if you wanted to, do you think you could get away?” He was referencing to my (characters) parents who have been sexually molesting me since I was young, still do it to me and now to my own children as well.

I had no idea what to say…. what he wanted the answer to be…. I stayed silent for a moment and he repeated himself, “Could you, could you get out of this?”

“Ummmmm, no. I don’t think so. I don’t think I would no what to do without them, I don’t think I would know how to feel any other way.”

He was silent…. “Yeah, me too. Thank you, Goodbye.”

He hung up, leaving me just as speechless as the last time I spoke with him.

Kink Of The Week: ASPHYXIOPHILIA

Kink Of The Week: ASPHYXIOPHILIA

This is someone who is sexually aroused by losing control over their ability to breath.

You can do it along (totally dangerous!), or with a partner (a trusted trusted trusted and skilled partner please!).

I have yet to run into this fetish from any of the guys that are calling. Only one guy who wanted to snuff someone out my controlling their breath…. but I don’t think that really applies as the person who was having their breath controlled in this verbal fantasy has absolutely NO sexual arousal over it (in my humble opinion of this imaginary person).

My Memory Is Failing Me

Well, maybe it is for the best. I had a call earlier today, that I wrote a little note afterwords cause I wanted to write a post about it but I didn’t have it in me to write it right at that moment. I just looked at the scribbles, “pedo… parking lot.”

I can’t remember that call for the life of me. ….honestly, I’m not trying too hard to dig around in my brain. But, I have no recollection of it. It was about 5 hours ago now. Nothing. No details. I know it was a pedo call. I remember that much, and that was the words I used to remind me to write about it. And also that we were in a parking lot. But what happened during the call, the specifics, what the mans voice sounded like, nothing. I can’t remember a bit of it.

That is probably for the best. I don’t know why I am still doing this. I could do it no problem (or not many deep ones) if this subject matter never came up. It was gone for a while but seemed to have surface again. It’s not worth the money. It could be if I was really dedicating myself to it or if these kinds of calls never came up. But these calls are not worth the money.

I mean during a 30 min call say I make about $22.50, well that is pretty good for 30 minutes of work. But honestly, if a guys came up to me on the street handles me a list of sentences and said, “I’ll give you $50 bucks if you say these things to me.” I would say no. Maybe I’m only doing it cause there is just as much anonymity for me as there is for the guys, even more so. It’s not worth the money, but it is money. Is it worth the thoughts. Well. Maybe. The thoughts are horrible, the questions are horrible, but all of them fascinating and questions that should be questioned and discussed. I’ve been watching random TV on the internet and some brunt DVDs of shows that a friend gave me. Randomly putting on episodes I watched three shows that talked about pedophiles.

The overwhelming consensus is, horrible scum of the earth, worse than the devil, no solution, put them in jail forever. No talk of where does this come from. At one point these horrible scums of the earth, worse than the devil pedophiles where children themselves. They were someone’s child. They are humans. Is there a way to stop this in someone before it happens? Are people born this way or made this way? Why are some people pedophiles? Is there any way to make those feelings go away or never start? I don’t ever hear about people looking at these questions. Just saying horrible horrible scum and evil subhuman people should go to jail, have their dicks cut off, etc. I don’t think there is anyone who really wants to be a pedophile or tries to become a pedophile. There seem to be some pedophiles out there who do think it is totally okay.

There is something to be said for hearing someone’s voice as they climax. I don’t know these people at all, at all. But I hear them cum. That is intimate. That burns into your brain. The money is not worth it, but that might be. The feelings and thoughts that I’m having because of it might be. I just don’t know what to do with them.

My Very First Caller Called Again

My very first caller called again. I wrote about him and our call in my second entry on October 15th, “Oh Sorry… It’s My First Day?”

The dispatcher called me saying, “Okay I have a call for Stacy.”

I responded with a thank you, and started to look up that charter’s profile on their website (I had yet to play this girl) and waited for the lines to be switched.

The dispatcher chimes in again, “Okay, I’ve got Stacy on the line for you. You two have a great time!”

“Well hey Stacy!” I hear his voice and recognize it. I recognize it like you recognize your Grandmothers voice after not speaking to her for over a year. The way that you don’t even recognize it you just know. A voice that you know so well that even after a long period of time without speaking as soon as you hear it, you don’t even need a moment to remember you just know who it is.

I was playing a different character this time, so from his knowledge he had never spoken to me before so I still had to go through my routine of getting all of his information. I started asking him all the questions but didn’t write anything down. I just went back to my sent mail and found him.  I changed a few details of what character, date and how much time he wanted to order from me and sent off the form for the office to process.

As he was in the middle of blurting out his credit card I had a brief moment of, “what if this is a different guy and I’m gonna have to get him to repeat himself…. all of this info cause I actually don’t have it.” But that wasn’t more thank a thought, I knew without a doubt who he was, even if I couldn’t remember his full name exactly I knew exactly who he was. I found that first e-mail, made the few small changes and went on with the call.
Chatting with this familiar voice that I now know has really lodged it’s self in my brain.

The call was really same old same old crap and probably not worth hashing out or getting into. My character was a mother, two kids, a boy and a girl. I now think I know why all the girls who make their characters mothers always seem to make it that they have to kids, a boy and a girl. Most men who call and want to talk about kids tend to seem to want to talk about both genders, they don’t necessarily like boys over girls but just kids. But then if you have one of each you can please any of these guys with both, or one or the other.

The bio didn’t say how old the kids were just like last time I spoke to this guy. Last time he picked an older looking character though, I could get away with telling him my kids were teenagers. Even though that didn’t really help he just wanted me to talk to him about when they were young. But this time he chose a girl that from her photos looked like she was 21 herself.

I always to to just zone out as much as possible, but the thing that they always really seem to want right when they are about to cum and to get them over the edge is for you to talk about the kids. I would start with normal stuff, “She is so hungry for your cock, you fuck that slut, etc” All of these things I can forget what we are talking about and it’s just sex talk. But they would instruct me to say how old they are. The keys words that really make then cum are the age, or things like ‘little’. So, I can’t really block it out not when, “Are you gonna cum all over her 5 year old little slut face?” are coming out of my mouth, worried that a neighbor might here me. You take any normal, rough, hot, sexy and filthy dirty talk you can think of and add the age of a young young kid to it and that is what they want. You try to zone out as much as you can while still doing that, doing what ever they tell you to do while trying not to be heard by anyone past these thin apartment walls.

Anyway, the call was just a call. It really isn’t that worth writing about since the last time I wrote about this guy. The thing I really took note of was his voice. It really shocked me how well I knew exactly who it was. So much so that I feel like I know without a doubt that if I ran into him one day, some random man who says hello to me, I would be able to place it right away and know who he is. Good thing we live so far apart.

Wow, You have a lot of ‘girlfriends’

I wonder if you can have a fetish for telling one type of sex worker about your escapades with other form of sex work.

I didn’t get too many words in chatting with todays caller (totally fine by me). All he seemed interested in doing was telling me about sex he would pay for. Well, he called all of these woman his girlfriends but they were clearly all stories about sex workers he just called them his girlfriends and left off the part at the end that goes, “And then I paid her and she left.

He would ask me all of these question like, have you even given someone head in a car? I would respond with a yes and then he would go into a story about how he met one of his girlfriends when he was driving down the street, he saw her there and pulled over and she just came in the car and started sucking him off.

Or, do you like getting spanked? I would respond with a yes and he would launch into another story about one of his girlfriends and how she loves to be spanked.

It went on like this for 20 minutes. Until he finished and other one of his stories and I said to him, “Wow, your a lucky guy with all those ladies after you.”

“Yeah, they just love me. Just like you do right sweetheart.”

Yes, just as much as they do I’m sure.

Kink Of The Week: GERONTOPHILIA

Kink Of the Week: GERONTOPHILIA

This is a person who is sexually attracted to people of at least a 15 year age difference from themselves. The object of there affection can be 15 year older or younger or more than 15 years. This is only a fetish if they are actually aroused by someone 5 years younger or older. So, like a gold digger wouldn’t count. But a cougar or cradle robber would be into gerontophilia.

Financial Domination & Mistress Stockings

Now this would be a good caller to get as a regular. So, there is a chat room that we can go in when we are not on a call, to then try and get a call from the guys checking out the site.

They meet us, see if we are into the same things they want to talk about (of course we are, we have to be and are paid to be), and then they call. Or they are just in there to try and have cyber sex with us for free. I don’t even like doing this for money, so no, I’m not going to do it for nothing!

Anyway, I was chatting with this one guy. He wanted to call me Mistress Stockings (doesn’t exactly roll of the tung, but I got the appeal, stockings are great and so is having a Mistress!) and he wanted me to call him Slave. Sometimes I referred to him as ‘Sissy Boy’ just to switch it up a bit.

All her wanted to talk about was, “how much I want his credit card,” and, ‘how fucked he would be if I had it.”

He wanted to talk about how I would financially drain him and take everything he had. He told me that he wouldn’t even be able to pay his mortgage after I was done with him and that he wouldn’t mind at all because I am, ‘Mistress Stockings!”

Ha, well I ordered the Sissy Boy to call, but he must have realized it is one thing to fantasize about being financially ruined by your Mistress and a totally other thing to even have to actually pay $30 to talk to her.

Well Yes… I do Like Taking Walks On The Beach

My phone rings and it’s the dispatcher putting me through to a gentleman, she tells me, “He’s sweet, he’s like 36 and lives at home with his Mom.”

So, he orders 10 minutes.

He asks me if I like taking walks on the beach. We talk about how if he was my boyfriend he would love to take me for walks on the beach.

Now, I wasn’t really in the mood to be taking this call. He was totally harmless, but the general rule is to chat for as long as you can before you start getting hot and heavy to make the calls last longer and get more money.  Cause even if they just order 10 minutes, if you don’t start really getting into things until 6 or so minutes along they will probably order more time so that they can finish.

I was more in the mood to finish at 10 minutes. So I ask him, “yeah, I would love to go for walks on the beach with you, what would you like to do to me on the beach?”

But he was still to sweet, “I would kiss you.”

“Oh yeah, where would you kiss me?”

“I would give you a kiss on your cheek…. and then maybe on your mouth. Do you like flowers?”

And then he went into telling me all about how he would bring a picnic to the beach for me and he would bring me a red rose too.

He was sweet in a way that made me feel so sad for him. He sounded lonely.

Well we finally got going, it was tender, vanilla, boyfriends and girlfriend sex on this beach by our picnic, but I was getting my job done and it would soon be over.

Two minutes to go, “Are you gonna cum for me? Where do you wanna cum?”

Then I hear my computer, I’ve gotten an instant message from the dispatcher.

“I wanna cum inside of you.”

“Yeah, you wanna cum inside of me,” I read my instant message and, “Your gonna cum right inside of… me…. Oh, I’m sorry… your card has been declined. I have to let you go.”

Yup… well, that was an awkward moment.

I’m Ready For My Direction

I felt like this gentleman must have pre written the scene he wanted us to play out. The start of the conversation was a little like a business meeting. He explained to me in detail his fantasy scene by scene, moment by moment.

I asked him questions, and he answered them. He seemed appreciative that I wanted to clarify things and get this fantasy right for him, but was obviously a bit nervous as well. He let out a big breath once he was done walking me through what he wanted to have happen, “ohhhh, oookaaay. So, do you think we can do that?”

I told him of course we could!
All he wanted was for me to pretend that I was his wife, I was out of the house for the night and he was in our room trying on my clothes. I would forget my purse or something, come back to our room to get it and then catch him in the act. I was instructed to be mad at him, yell at him, call him names, and then tie him up and punish him. Easy enough. We were never to have sex in the scene. I was just told to get more and more disgusted at how me yelling at him and punishing him made him hard. Rock hard to be exact.

This was by far one of the lease weird calls I have gotten so far in terms of subject matter, but I have never felt so odd saying to a stranger on the phone, “okay go into our room, I’m going out,” waiting like a full minute in silence with him one the phone before I yelled, “HONEY WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?”

My Tally

I find it interesting how many different things will come up in such a short period of time… how many guys there are out there calling with so many different requests. I have been doing phone sex for less than one month and so far I have talked about:

cuckolding, cross dressing, K9, bestiality, age-play, barley legal, pedophilia, forced bisexuality, abduction, rape, eating shit, shitting on people, being peed on, peeing on people, bondage, walks on the beach, spanking, drugs, stockings, pantyhose, what I am wearing, getting came on (on my face, tits, ass, in my mouth, up my pussy and ass), Mommy / Son play, Catholic School Girl, gang bangs, financial Domination, incest, blow jobs, cunnalingus, analingus, punishment, Racism, humiliation, tiny dick, ass fucking, eating shit, flogging, breast/nipple torture, and ….I think that’s it.

What’s next, what’s next….

Kink Of The Week: FURIES

Kink Of The Week: FURIES

Furies are people who dress up as anthropomorphic animals. From what I have read about it, this does not necessarily have to be sexual. From what I have seen in the media (before I started Googling) I assumed that is was specifically part of a sex act, that people would dress up like this to have sex. But, from what I read, some people do this alone or in a group because they feel they have a strong spiritual connection to one specific animal and some even believe that they are that animal but were born in a human body. For these people sex is just part of their life as a furry, and not part of the definition of being a furry.

I have yet to encounter a furry doing phone sex, perhaps they really have it going on and don’t need to pay for any of their plush animalistic sex.

Been Thinking

Can’t seem to get Pedophilia out of my head recently (not that I don’t know why)….. I had breakfast with some friends the other day, one of whom brought along her beautiful little girl. She is just a toddler so we still speak freely around her… as she doesn’t really understand or contribute to the conversation very much yet, besides saying, “Dog!!!” every now and then. Just so you don’t think we were being horrible by talk about phone sex with her daughter there. But yes, so to get to the point, my friends know that I have been doing phone sex. Unless I am close with someone I don’t volunteer the information, but if someone asks I don’t lie.

So, we were chatting about it, and I certainly omitted some details when they were asking questions. I felt horrible thinking about what some men want to to talk about while I was sitting with this amazing mother and her child.

Later we were talking about daycare and the concerns there. One local day care that had a employee charged of pedophillia etc.

I was chatting with another friend earlier that week who knows someone in a theatre company that she works with who was just charged with possession of child porn and the conflict that she has about this. This person is someone she has known and trusted for over 10 years and to find this out about him has been shocking and confusing. He has never (to anyone’s knowledge and had never been accused of) actually touching a child or harming a child in anyway. But some would argue even just the possession of child porn is harming a child. By having it you are supporting that industry (if no one looked at it no one would make it) and somewhere down the line there had to be a child involved to make that porn (photos, video or whatever).

All of these thoughts have made me more conflicted about this job. I haven’t had a call like that in a while, but I never know until I start the conversation what someone is going to want to talk about. And I don’t think someone can control what kinks or fetishes they have, they can only control their actions. I feel bad for anyone that has these urges. It’s not their fault that they have them, that doesn’t make them right or excusable but it seems like a horrible thing to have to deal with. Getting them out over the phone with another adult seems like the best way to express them, it never involves hurting a child (like say child porn does, even if you are not directly doing it).

I was looking online to try and see what support there might be for pedophiles, like if there are any kind of groups or therapy for people with this urge…. or attraction.

I thought this was an interesting post. He might not represent himself incredibly well with some of his choice of words… but it was certainly interesting:

“Are there pedophile support groups or counseling?
I’m a young pedophile (18) and while I haven’t slipped yet, I recognize the enormous potential, and I think it would be beneficial to be able to talk openly to some people who can understand my predicament and help me deal with it.

and no, I’m not looking for a group that will tell each other that our urges are justified and helps to plot molestations. I’m not evil, you know. I have a genetic defect. I obviously know right from wrong, even if my libido disagrees with it.

and to anyone who wishes to call me disgusting, evil, ignorant, or what have you:

Look, it’s not my ******* choice, alright. It’s my orientation. I don’t like them for some power trip or any sick **** like that. It is literally the same thing chemically as when you look at adults. The reason I’m asking about it is because I would LIKE to deal with it and NOT hurt anyone.

I’m being serious. Why won’t anyone understand what it’s like to grow up like this? I haven’t done anything wrong. I’ve never harmed anyone. What I am concerned with is that I may become a danger some time in the future, which is why I’m looking for a SUPPORT group.

I hate to break it to you, but not all pedophiles think molesting kids is an okay thing to do. The whole point is that I am LOOKING for help (not drugs) to DEAL with it.”

People didn’t have much to offer him: go to church, find god, get hospitalized, castrated, get yourself incarcerated in prison until you die, etc.

I don’t know, if I was him I don’t think any of those would seem like options to me either.

So what do you do?

I also found this website that speaks about the PLA (Pedophile Liberation Army):

http://lege.cz/archiv/pedo1.htm

I couldn’t read all of it and then just started skimming… this didn’t help me. It is very pro pedo and redefines the term. Because in their eyes pedophiles do not hurt children. Those would be molesters. Pedophiles don’t do anything with children that the children don’t ‘want’ to be doing. It speaks of famous artists and philosophers in history who are thought to be pedophiles, and talks about pedophile rights etc.

A Lie A Day Keeps The Pain Away

I can honestly say I don’t know what I was thinking. From the beginning I always said that if someone asked me what I was doing I was not going to lie to them. I think that if you lie about something it implies that you have shame in it, or some internal knowledge that it is wrong. And I am not ashamed of what I am doing (I am ashamed of some of the things I have said in the name of some guys fantasy, but as a whole I am not ashamed of the job). So I haven’t been lying about it. Everyone who asks me are told the truth…. except one person.

My Mom, my poor Mom. This are somethings that I should just spear her, right? She is the one person that I didn’t want to know, mostly for her sake. So, once I got this job I told her that I got a fundraising position with The Diabetes Association and I was calling past donors to see if they would like to contribute again. I thought that job was close enough (working from home, on the phone) to the truth that it made a good lie. Plus it is something that I would do, and my ex girlfriend did that exact job a few years ago so I had some knowledge of it.

It was all fine.

I’m the most stupid daughter in the world, and I don’t know why I did it. But my Mom and I were speaking on the phone tonight and, we were talking very honestly and I told her. I told her that I lied and that what I was really doing was phone sex.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! Fuck I am so stupid.

What the hell did I think would happen, how did I think she would react. I knew how she would react, THAT is why I made up the diabetes lie! That is what I should have stuck with. This poor woman went silent. Just silent. I could tell as soon as I said the words that I made completely the wrong decision. STUPID!

I’m not ashamed, I don’t agree with what my Mother thinks of this job, I’m not upset that she now thinks so much less of me…. I’m upset that I caused her that pain. This pain. I can’t escape the thoughts of her trying to fall asleep if only she could escape the thought of her baby girl doing phone sex (what ever she thinks that is, or knows that to be from watching TV or whatever).

All I could do was keep on repeating, I’m so sorry, I should never have told you. I’m so so sorry.

Sometimes a lie is the kindest thing you can give someone.

I’m gonna lie about quitting as soon as it seems believable.

I’m sorry Mom.

Sell My What?

“How much do you sell your panties for?”

Oh dear, I was stumped, I didn’t even know that I sold my panties. I just thought that I bought underwear, I know I wear it and sometime lose it at peoples houses….. I had no idea I sold it.

There was some silence, then I just rambled something off to this guy about how I only sell my panties when people are really deserving and that we are gonna have to play some more before I consider selling him my panties and to call me again sometime.

Well, I chatted with the other ladies working for the company  and looked through my contract with them and apparently I do in fact sell panties. I can sell them for whatever amount I want (the other girls typically sell theirs for $25, they suggest I sell mine for more because I’m in Canada and it will cost more to ship), that what they want is used panties but that I am not allowed to send them dirty(totaly illegal). Like I’m not allowed to do what these guys really want, which is to wear these panties during our call and then send the same pair to them right after. You know…. you they can see and smell how much I came in these panties during out all. Cause I’m totally squiring all over the place while I’m doing these calls!

Funny funny funny, well I have yet to sell any panties. I have had a handful of requests, but I just tell them I don’t do it cause I’m in Canada and it would cost so much to send. I could tell them it was $25 plus shipping I guess. But then why would they do that when they could just buy an American girls panties. Plus, some of the characters I play for these guys on the phone are larger than me and some of them are smaller than me…. I actually don’t think I have a character that is just my size. And I would hate to ruin the illusion for them by getting panties that are not the ‘right’ size as the person in their imagination.

On top of that I am poor and well, I need all the underwear I have thank you very much! I think my pantie selling shop is officially closed, for these prices anyway!